For most people, the thought of doing a research paper is a pretty appalling one. It means hours in a clammy library pretending to read what's in front of you, trying not to fall asleep, or searching on the Internet for hours while getting sidetracked by things of actual interest.

Let me tell you what it means to me, and what it can mean to you, if you put your mind to it: it's about talking to test pilots and racecar drivers, and talking to the experts. It's about listening to stories about getting caught with Connie Chung's underwear on your head. Well, it's enough to get me excited about research, but you have to at least raise your eyebrow at Connie Chung's underwear.

Doing research the right way is fun, and more importantly, it's really pretty easy. With the digital age and the fact that you're a "student doing research," you can do just about anything, meet just about anybody, and find just about anything. Look, you have to do it anyway, you might as well do it RIGHT.

Pick a research topic that you're interested in!

When you're selecting the topic for your research paper, do what you like to do. If you are assigned a topic, find something in that topic that gets you going (that is, if I'm told to research vegetable gardening, I might select a more specific topic that interests me, like deep-sea aquaculture).

If you can, choose something that interests you, and something that you have connections to. If I was told to write about WWII, I'd select Aviation Training in the South Pacific, because my grandfather and his buddies were involved in that, and it's easy to get a hold of my grandfather.

And if I don't have connections??!

Use your credentials!

If you don't have 'em, maar Many of the people you'll be talking to have been where you are, researching something for school. You'll be surprised how many will have pity on you! As soon as you get on the phone, tell them who you are and what you need.

Be honest! Don't invent some story about how you're working on your Nobel thesis and if you don't have complete cooperation, your uncle in the Russian Mafia will come send them to the bottom of the river. Just be polite and honest and if they can help you, they will. If they can't, then to heck with them, say thanks and move on.

Dig around!

You don't know where to go to find people?

Look in the phone book. Or the Internet. Or, best yet, look in a book. If you are doing a paper about Sea Urchins and the Chinese New Year (because your Aunt Bromitha dated a Chinese doctor that was really nice, and you think he might have some helpful contacts), go to the library and find the works cited list of some sea urchin book. If the book is recent, go to the net and see if you can find the authors from the bibliography.

It may sound complicated, but when you are talking to the author of a famous picture book about Chinese New Year, and she's telling you about how she accidentally sat on a sea urchin right in the middle of a big ceremony, you'll see. It will have been worth it.

While I was doing a research paper, I met a guy who was on the Army bomb squad for a while. One of his tasks was to protect the president of the United States while he traveled, and when the President travels he has a huge train of press with him. While this gentleman was on assignment once, he had the unique task of checking press corps baggage for bombs (as a precaution.) He was going through Connie Chung's suitcase as necessary, and thought it would be funny to put one of her bras on his head. His buddies did think it was funny, but Ms. Chung, who walked up behind him while he was showing off his unique head covering, mysteriously failed to see the humor. Now, that's not only a great story to tell, that guy is a great friend now, too.

Authors are generally not hard to find, and they usually try to be very helpful. Plus, then you can tell your teacher that, "You talked to the guy that wrote the book on it." It looks mighty impressive.

Research is like anything else. You get out of it what you put into it. If you go at it the right way, with the right attitude, then research can really give you quite a bit for just a little work.

. comments or criticisms for the author or . zine .? we're intersted in hearing. not to mention we're interested in getting conversations going on the wwwboard. everything is open to the possibility of something more, get your mind as active as your mouth, or maybe get your mouth as active as your mind.
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