Hungry men are mean and you never know what kind of interesting things you may learn from them.

For example, were you aware that men werent meant to serve? I wasnt either until a nice man with four teeth in a tight-fitting tank top informed me with a wink of his eye. It was for this reason he needed a female server to wait on him. This classy guy even found it necessary to pick out his waitress based on looks, no doubt. Lucky for me, I just happened to be the only female server with a table open at the time, so we were stuck with each other--and so my nightmare began. After an hour or so of barbaric "want beer" grunts and quite a few weak attempts to learn my life history which sadly enough it seemed he thought I was enjoying as much as he, it soon occurred to me that this man might actually have thought I was happy to be at his beck and call--like I was practicing for my husband-to-be. It was obvious that his need for a female to wait on him hand and foot had just as much to do with his need to flirt as it did to endorse his idea of a woman bringing her big hungry man his dinner. He wanted to have his steak and eat it too. Maybe he was looking for his future wife.

Waiting tables has also given me valuable tips on picking up dates. I've learned just how important it is to be smooth and keep it cool--or better yet, how not to. Besides observations of your typical bar scene pick-up, my waitressing friends and I have been involved in some of these lessons first hand. Perhaps the most extreme example of such a case is that of the psycho man and his obsession with a co-worker of mine. On at least every other day of the week he would call to see if she was working. He did this often enough to where he eventually knew her whole schedule. As a result, he began to show up on the days she worked and would request to sit in her section. She was definitely not too thrilled. It all escalated one day when he finally snapped and refused to leave her table until she agreed to marry him. The manager came out, things got ugly, and it all ended with Psycho Man taking a ride downtown with the men in blue. Needless to say, his attempts are obvious proof that the psycho routine is not cute.

For some further advice from what I have learned shouldn't be done, let me just warn you that calling us babe and cooing hey sweetheart while your server is walking by is not going to get you anywhere--save those prize-winning techniques for the girls at Hooters--were not interested. Even worse, is when it is believed by some lonely guy that when they leave a nice little note to their waitress with their phone number included on the credit card receipt they are going to get a response. The only response they will get is a roll of the eyes or a good laugh. You could perhaps even be the winner of our on-going search for the most lame pick-up note ever. If you are daring enough to go through with it, though, at least leave a good tip--otherwise, don't hold your breath.

Most importantly what I have learned through my serving trials and tribulations is that when it comes to people, you can never know what to expect. It is amazing to me just how different people really are. Take tipping for example. It seems that some people actually don't know that the money they give us for waiting on them is how we get paid and sometimes leave close to nothing. Some people dont even tip at all. For example, one night I was a closing server and I took a table that came in five minutes before we closed. Not only were they obnoxious people with no manners, but they ordered me around, stayed for three hours, and didn't leave me a penny. They must have thought I was playing servant for fun. In all fairness, though, while it is usually easy to tell that a mean table probably won't tip very well, people can surprise you. I have known the rudest of the rude to be quite generous. And, I have also known friendly, pleasant patrons to be not very generous at all. They will tell you what wonderful service you gave but how much they leave you will not be reflective. Like I said, you really can never tell what to expect from people.

One last bit of experience that has helped prepare me for the real world is my unforgettable dealings with the difficult, the manipulative, the one and only, crazy boss! I am here to tell you there is one you will come across in your lifetime who will have just what it takes to make you lose it. If the boss I have now isn't that one for me, then he is certainly a contender. You'll see, he will be the one making promises he won't keep and whining about how you don't help out enough while conveniently forgetting how you came in all those extra days to save his butt. And let's not forget about the mood swings I have to deal with. It turns out to be quite a challenge for me to not let my whole nights attitude be reflective of what side of the bed my boss woke up on that morning. Don't get me wrong, though, it does prove to be exciting nights when tempers flare and inanimate objects are propelled across the kitchen; and don't worry, just because it doesn't hit one of us, it only means his aim was off.

As you can see, I have learned plenty from waiting tables, such as, that just as in life, there is never a dull moment. It is filled with hungry people and angry bosses. So think of me the next time you go out to eat; smile, say please and thank you, and leave me a nice wad of cash on your way out.

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